from Sue Poole’s tombstone


To: <>

Cc: Friends

From: "Andrew Phelps" <>

Date: Tue, 15 May 2012 13:30:52 -0700

Subject: [s-acc] anniversary



Today is the 2nd (official) anniversary of the death of Sue Poole. My heart is heavy. I ask how I "failed" her and what "went wrong." Those are feelings about social responsibility, because I know I did the best I knew how. For me, it's that I learn from the mistakes I make in my own life, and from mistakes with friends.

What I know is that Sue was triggered by "banging" and that her gravesite (which I visited in South Carolina last October) is marked with the "NEA" logo. She had been blocked from a career at Goose Creek High School teaching English, and that is what is memorialized as the legacy of her "social death sentence." Sue didn't know how to fully engage that trauma experience, and it was much on her mind.

"Banging" is the social accountability version of the "Freudian slip." It expresses failure of social responsibility rather than failure of ego/control. I will continue to discuss the complexities of that behavior here: Last week, when the arguments at our Community Forum got difficult, I appealed to the "madness" way of being - and softened the conversation. The story of Ed Daigu Knight's "driving bang" also continues to bear discussion; he continues to need our advocacy and support.

What I do know is that Sue acted from the heart and from her sense of truth. I know she "maxed out" on the possible boundaries of "banging" in her social context. She was not unlike Daigu in spirit, but she also acted from the particulars of her personal social role. It remains that our advocacy needs to help institutionalize the behavioral paradigm of the socially responsible way of being, so that different "role" expectations obtain.

Sue, I miss you.


ABO "Andrew Behavior Object"